literature

I want you to kiss me

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Synesthi's avatar
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Literature Text

I want you to kiss me.

Not because of you
or me, or us.
Not for a relationship.
Not for the promise of another.
But because I’ve looked
into the mirror these last four
years, and I’ve seen the same girl.
Four years tired
and a lifetime weary,
but the same.

And I’ve never been kissed before,
so I want you to kiss me.

I’m not rushing to grow up,
I don’t want to.
But I want to change.

I want to grow,
and still be the same.
So I want you to kiss me.

So I can grow, and still be me.
I want to grow
and not grow up.

Because growing up
is leaving. Growing’s just

changing.

And if I must be known,
remembered as a bit
of broken glass as you
age, If I must be remembered
when you die,
I want to be beautiful.

I want you to carve me beautiful.
So I want you to kiss me.

If I must be condemned
to melt into a drop
of water, indistinguishable,
I want to go a snowflake.

I want to shift irrevocably
and still hold still.
Then the fear of movement will fade.

I don’t want us to kiss.
But I want you to kiss me.

I want to grow
without leaving, if grow I must.
I want to go forward
and still follow from behind.

I want to carry myself
in my arms.

I want you to kiss me.
But I don’t want to be kissed.
This is a piece not about wanting to receive my first kiss (or even to embark on a romantic endeavor, as though I'm eighteen, I'm not sure I'm mature enough for the immaturity it takes), but about realizing I'm growing and changing, and wanting to experience a change in myself to know that what I truly am will hold firm. Comments, as always, are appreciated.
© 2013 - 2024 Synesthi
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HayleyByronBell's avatar
Love your work as always :love: I unerstan it all perfectly, indeed we are experiencing the same thing at the same time! I'm glad I found someone who understands and expresses it with words!:-D