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:iconsynesthi: More from Synesthi


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Submitted on
September 23, 2012
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The car wraps itself around the tree in a hug. Glass breaks, metal rips itself against the rough wood and comes away in curls, like shredded skin.

The car moves up, almost impossibly, nearly rolling. It comes to rest propped up on the now-supine tree. The right side is in the air. The wheels are still spinning.

All I can hear is a ringing, and blood is pooling in my mouth. I can feel it spilling over my teeth, staining them red. My head hit the glass. I bit my cheek.

Okay…

I open my mouth slightly, tilting forward, letting a few drops of red out onto the outside of my lips. They are cut up too, and the blood stings.

The glass is vibrating, and tree leaves are smashed against it. Broken twigs. Snaps of wood. There's a ringing in my head, still. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing.

I am fascinated by the way the tree is moving. It's still moving. Am I moving?

Okay…

I can feel my brain trying to fumble back to awareness, spraying me with a bunch of nonsense words. Tree. Tree ground rock car tree.

Okay. Car.

I can feel my mom turning to look at me. She is beginning to cry. I cannot turn my neck, so I turn at the waist. Something is yanking at my neck. The seatbelt…

Where are the airbags?

People are swarming around what used to be our car now. I can hear them through the ringing. My neck hurts. There is still blood in my mouth.

Car and blood. Okay.

She is upset, still crying, trying to get out from her seatbelt. She is talking. Lots of words.

I'm not saying anything. Should I be speaking?

My door won't open.

I'm up in the air.

I'm sure the tree is dead.

I climb out through her door; mine won't open, and stumble into the broken glass. Red and white. Red and white and yellow, and all glass.

That hurt.

My mom is trying to make a call, the phone is not working. She's angry. She's crying.

I feel like crying.

My knee bleeds down into my sock. I go behind the car, away from prying eyes, and look at the tree.

I'm sorry.

I reach down and pull pieces of the hood out of the branches.

I'm sorry.

The metal slices my hands, and I'm bleeding a little around my nails. I drop the pieces. They clatter.

My ears are ringing.

"Meghan?"

Okay.

"Meghan?"

Okay.

She comes over. "Are you okay?"

Okay?

I try to nod. My neck hurts. My knee is bleeding. I nod, biting my lip, scoring the skin with my teeth.

"I'm going to try to call your father."

Okay.

She leaves.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay…car crash. Car. Tree. We're okay. We're okay. Okay.

This is still going in my head. My head hurts. I need to sit down.

I crouch on the curb, all loose clothing, headaches and sweat. People are staring at me, at my mom, at our car.

I'm sorry, tree.

I can't look at it, at the car, at the people and their eyes, so I look at myself.

The blood dries against my skin, and I begin to shake.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

I'm…okay?

No.

No, I'm…later.

I'm going to be okay.

Okay?

Okay.
I was in a car accident Thursday night, which is why I have not been posting. Everything is okay now, though, and hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things.
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:icongryphyn-bloodheart:
Gryphyn-Bloodheart Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Professional Writer
Didn't pick up on any typos.

You're opening sentences are fantastic, and I love this simile: "like shredded skin." I would like to see more like it sprinkled throughout the piece.

The pacing is also fantastic, you really put the reader in your shoes. All I hear while reading it is ringing and everything is in slow motion. I think a few choice similes or a little more colorful language (besides just describing colors) as the narrator takes the scene in would really make the piece pop and give it a stronger mesmerizing feel like what you seem to be going for. Other than that, excellent job!
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:iconsynesthi:
Synesthi Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013
Thanks so much for your feedback! This is a kind of an old piece, so maybe I'll go through and try to polish it up a little. Your suggestions really help!
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:icongryphyn-bloodheart:
Gryphyn-Bloodheart Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Professional Writer
np :)
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:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Student General Artist
I like the interspersing of the word "okay, okay, okay".
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:iconsynesthi:
Synesthi Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2012
Thanks!
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:iconetykut:
etykut Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Student General Artist
This is beautiful, I can see and feel the crash, and your confusion through this, its captivating.

But I hope you're ok and glad you got out fine :)
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:iconsynesthi:
Synesthi Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2012
Thank you! Car crashes are beautiful and ugly things all at once, aren't they? :P
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:iconetykut:
etykut Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Student General Artist
Yeah... Almost want to be in one just to experience it... that sounds terrible doesn't it? ahh well... It's good that you see the beauty in it and don't just view it as a bad thing :)
Reply
:iconsynesthi:
Synesthi Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012
Frightening things have a tendency to be incredibly beautiful in my eyes.
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:iconetykut:
etykut Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2012  Student General Artist
Of course :)
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